Day 19: No Questions Asked
Note: The Rules & Guidelines for the Yes Test can be found here.
On Day 19 there were no questions asked, so technically I have nothing to write about, except I did end up at my first nude beach which means I definitely have something to write about.
Wreck Beach is a "clothing optional" beach hidden on the University of British Columbia campus. With 500 wooden stairs that wind down a steep cliff, getting to the water requires a certain base level of fitness and yet, with all the bare asses around, I still wanted to teach everyone how to squat. You need to get below parallel people, and put some damn weight on the bar, otherwise that butt will continue to crawl southwards.
I wasn't intentionally gawking, but it's hard to ignore when you're trying to eat your picnic dinner and drinking wine out of a bag and some guy walks by, schlong and cheeks inches from your face, yelling about his "Cold beer! Get your cold beer, here!" So you shift your gaze, adjust your direction to the right, and lock eyes with a clear Wreck Beach regular, pot bellied, chicken legged and ponytailed, pacing up and down the coast with nothing but a iPod and white earbuds. Move to the left, and you're in view of a tanned skinned gentleman, dancing alone on top of a stump, covered only in a pink sombrero.
Is this what the 70s were like?
Not that I have any inherent problem with nudity. I went to college in Vermont, after all. If someone wasn't publicly naked at least once a week, it was a weird week. We even had an unwritten (but basically mandatory) rule that if Madonna's Like a Prayer comes on, everyone has to take off their shirt. I never learned why this happened, but I've been at Middlebury weddings years later, where the DJ innocently plays Like A Prayer and 10 or so guests strip down with no explanation, right in the middle of the W Hotel or a country club.
I've often wondered what it would be like to live in a society that only used clothes as a matter of warmth or protection, and not as an outlet for modesty or status. I think we'd solve so many of the world's problems if one day we all collectively said, "Fuck it! Thanks to global warming, most of the earth is hot enough anyway, so no more clothes! Be free!" No more sweat shops, no more forced religious oppression (at least clothing related), no more school dress codes, no more "business casual," no more traumatizing dressing room experiences.
Sure, it'll be a little awkward for that first group who has to make the transition from clothed to unclothed, but once that generation raises the next generation, no one will give a crap anymore, and clothes will fade into history and mythology, just like Greek Gods and answering machines. It makes sense to strip away excessive fibers and go au natural like our ancestors, given that we're already transitioning to a wordless society that only communicates via hieroglyphics, aka emojis. We're going to forget how to write soon enough, so we may as well just ditch the clothes, grunt excessively, and move right into the Digital Stone Age.