Day 37: Now you know.

Note: The Rules & Guidelines for the Yes Quest can be found here.


I finally sent out an email blast to the 130 or so people who have subscribed to my "newsletter," which should really be renamed to a "weird-shit-I'm-doing-somewhere-in-the-world-but-will-probably-abandon-5-minutes-after-I-announce-it letter." I tend to get excited about something, invest time and money, and then realize that whatever I was doing is actually the worst. I think that makes me an entrepreneur. Maybe not a successful one, but I definitely have a good origin story about all of my many failures for when I inevitably create the next Tinder and sell it for a billion dollars. I shall call it "Breakup," the app that integrates with your dating calendar and asks you if you'd like to break up with each date after your scheduled first date. Instead of ghosting or stringing them along, you just tell the app that hell no I'm not going on another date with that douche! He kisses like a fish and referred to his ex girlfriend as a "bitch" like eight times. Also he chews with his mouth open and when he scratched his head, he created a pile of dandruff that he later confused for Parmesean.

And the Breakup will translate that to: 

Work just got cray cray lately, so I'm all booked up! Also, I'm going vegan, and I'm not sure our dinner preferences are going to align in the future. But you're great. Soooooo great. I'm sure you'll find your other half soon. Good luck!

This is actually one of my better ideas. I don't understand why "Professional Idea Person" is not a real career. 

This fickle trait of mine is all well and good when I'm trying a new performance enhancing diet or attempting to convince myself that I like running by going on semi-regular "runs," but it's far less productive when it comes to things like booking international travel or signing a five year lease on a business that I will probably grow to hate. So, After thousands of dollars in cancelled flights, unused URLs and useless LLCs, I'm finally starting to see the value in patience and quiet exploration...if only to stop having annual drinks with people where they say to me, "Last time we talked you were trying to get a new line of ready to serve cocktails off the ground," or, "You were doing that fitness thing a bit ago," and, "Whatever happened to the cooking with grandmothers project?"

The answer to all of this is I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time but then I realized that launching a new ready to drink cocktail is absurdly expensive and difficult. Also, someone said one of my prototypes was a little "cummy" and had the texture of a fake boob, which isn't really a great selling point. Or maybe it's the perfect selling point for the right market. Hard to tell. And yeah, I used to pick things up and put them down on a regular basis, but that seemed like a serious waste of time when there's so many delicious cocktails and fried things on a stick to eat around the world. And grandmothers? Well, they're still awesome, but have you heard of this awesome new app called 'Breakup'?

So, I decided to wait a bit before announcing the Yes Quest to my humble email list, partly because I didn't want to abandon a project right after announcing it (again) and partly because most of the list is full of New Yorkers, which means they're inherently sadistic jerks who will bask in the glow of watching a good friend do something stupid in order to distract themselves from all the people they're sort of dating. Of course, less than 24 hours after I sent the email, the requests started coming in. One of my favorite people, a Broadway actor who was born to play the role of Gaston in Beauty and the Beast, has now asked me to sing a full song and post it on a public YouTube channel. Well watch out world, because the tone deaf rendition of "I'm my own Grandma" is going to go viral. Another friend simply sent me a message that said, "So can I pose unlimited requests as long as this quest continues?"

No good can come of this. Unless Breakup becomes a thing. Let's plan for that. I have a stuffed alligator to buy with my future billions.