Note: The Rules & Guidelines for the Yes Test can be found here.
The Canasian and I were debating over where to get dinner, and by debating I mean that he gave me a list of options as I pulled the covers over my head and occasionally grunted. He's gotten pretty good at phrasing questions as statements so as to give me some actual choice, which works out well for me until he slips up and asks, "Friend just invited me on a long acid hike tomorrow so tempting 😛 The acid part is optional would you want to come for the hiking part if I go?"
The one and only time I did acid and wandered through a forest, the trees turned demonic and started morphing into decay around me, which was incredibly frustrating because up until the trip went south, I was on a lovely fairy tale adventure. The whole world breathed together, and when I sat down on the ground, I was rooted to the earth like a magnet. And then, I don't know, either five minutes or fifty minutes later, the Dementors must have shown up because as I gazed at the top of a tree, decay spiraled up the trunk and sucked the fun out of the forest. I looked around and a nanosecond after my eyes settled, the bright green faded away and I was surrounded by diseased, dead branches, whose spindly limbs seemed to brush the nape of my neck, taunting me to pay attention to whatever my mind was trying to reveal.
A smarter person may have stuck around in that forest to wade through whatever the mind was trying to expel, but I just NOPE'd right out of there and ran back to the cabin so I could reset my brain with the digital nature slideshow off of youtube.
So no, I do not want to take acid and go hiking in a forest for 12 hours.
Luckily, the Canasian decided against the hike which also spared me from the experience. Instead, I said yes to helping out a friend across town by watch his 25lb cat over the weekend, so our dinner debate was around restaurants in that neighborhood. We decided on The Eatery, a "Japanese" restaurant that "specializes" in "innovative" sushi. Established in 1983, the only thing I find innovative about this place is it's amusing #misohorny slogan and it's magical ability to stay open, because the few bites I had of their "Funky Creations" were nauseating in both ingredients and execution.
I was specifically turned off by the Electric Banana, a mystifying sushi roll with avocado, eel, and a tempura fried banana. Maybe, just maybe, this could have worked if it was executed properly, because I can kind of see how one might think the banana could bring out the sweet tenderness of eel. Maybe. But, it was basically just a soggy fried banana over poorly seasoned rice with a chunk of browned avocado and a sliver of eel. It tasted like a frat house hazing. I refused to eat any more of what we ordered and slumped into my chair, just willing the awful day to be over.
At some point, a two guys sat down at the table next to us. They were mulling over the menu and I overheard one of them mention "this weird roll with eel and banana." With my head resting on my hands, not wanting my dining neighbors to go down the same fate as I did, I piped up and told them, "Don't do it. It's awful. Just...don't."
It's not everyday that strangers interrupt a dinner with your bro in order to basically demand that you do not order the Electric Banana, nor should you really ever eat at this establishment ever again. My friends confirmed the culinary tragedy, but by now, we had set the bar so low that it was clear the guy had to order it. At best, maybe he'd like it. At worst, it was a $6.95 mistake.
We settled up our bill but decided to wait until our neighbors got their food, because we had to see what the reaction was to the Electric Banana. It arrived...and then sat there for 10 minutes while our new friends flirted with the waitress. Just eat the damn banana so I can go home and be big spoon to an extra large cat.
The actual moment of consumption was rather anti-climactic. It was...tolerable, he said. But, now the fourth wall of dinner was broken, and our little group of three became a larger group of five. We opened up a new tab, ordered drinks, and sat around talking until last call, which was a much needed boost to the end of a rough day — all thanks to saying yes to the Electric Banana and a 25lb cat named Steve.