Note: The Rules & Guidelines for the Yes Test can be found here.
The amusing thing about the Yes Test is that I can inevitably avoid any yes or no questions simply by shutting myself inside and refusing to talk to an actual human. Of course, I still have to interact with technology, because while there is something poetic about dying alone in your apartment, that's not a chip I plan on cashing in until I'm at least 90, or until millennials have their own children (billennials?) and the entire economy collapses because everyone is busy drawing on their eyebrows and protesting the latest social injustice.
Oh wait, we're already living in that future.
It's Monday, and even though the day of the week has no bearing on my day to day work, I treat Mondays like a typical work day, mostly because my Instagram feed is filled with people insisting that Monday will henceforth be known as #Monslay. Tuesday - Friday, feel free to take a long lunch and abdicate responsibility, but if it's Monday, thou must hustle hardest. And by hustle hardest, I mean stop hustling in order to post your #monslay inspo at 10am.
So, I'm hustling, in the form of finishing off an upcoming article and taking a quick call with an old acquaintance. I check Twitter, and notice that I have a DM from someone who read my Candy Crush Saga article and wants to connect. Yes, you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Maybe my dream of becoming a professional Candy Crush Player is about to come true!
It occurs to me that I haven't checked LinkedIn in months, which is an improvement from once a year. Even though I announced last week across social media that I'm no longer associated with Prohibition Bakery, I realized that I hadn't informed my professional social media network, so I needed to make that change on LinkedIn. I expect confetti and balloons to arrive when I tell LinkedIn to inform my network of the change, but I get nothing, other than realizing that an old boss/friend/colleague has apparently unfriended me on LinkedIn, which seems like the ultimate burn in 2017.
I have a message in my inbox, which is weird. It's from a consulting agency, asking me to chat with them about a software I used at the bakery. Obviously this seems like a scam, or at least a mass message that is not worth my time and energy, but as I go to close the screen I remembered that I can't say no. The message was sent at the end of May, so I probably missed the window anyway. I responded back, and asked them to send me an email.
Within 10 seconds I hear my little email bing bong message. The guy at the company asks, "Is there a good time for you today to discuss it over the phone?" It's 1pm on a Monday and I'm sitting at home "working" without pants, so I tell him to call me in 10 minutes. As it turns out, it's a legit call, the company specifically researched me, and I'm going to get paid to be opinionated for a half hour. This is fantastic. More of this, please.
And then I get an email from the Candy Crush lady, who apparently is a rep for King (the company that created the game), and she wants to know where she can send me some Candy Crush Swag. I'm a little terrified by what this could mean, but I can only hope it includes a Candy Crush bathing suit and Moschino backpack.
Not leaving the house can still pay off.